One message and it struck me like a slap on e face. Is this really what I want in life. To hold onto NOTHING? But what can I do to change this. To move on, move forward..NOTHING. Because my heart is hurting and i don't know why..

Am I really blind to everything that is appearing infront of me? Could I be so self-indulge that I don't take notice what's going around me? Who wanted to be with me? With intentions so clear like the water flowing in the river. Could it be that he who was destined to be with me, I pushed away. And in doing so I lost the one that I could be able to let everything go and finally be happy for once. But all I did was to let myself heal, in a way that no one could understand and no one could afford to wait, and I did not even gave the time for them to wait. Pushing them as far as my eyes could see or my heart could feel them.

I am healing, that's what I been telling myself, but the truth is I'm not, not even an inch of me is healing. My heart is broken, till now. I know people do say different people take their own time to heal, but how long is time. FOREVER. I don't want to be left behind so far that once again my heart is aching with everything that it wanted to heal from. I know I am talking nonsencial now but that is what my heart is feeling now.

You're happy, I say to myself every single day. But I'M NOT...What i see, be it online, in Facebook or life itself. Everywhere I see love is surrounding us. But I don't have that. With someone special I mean, not family or friends. I want that. I see it in my parents, my friends and their partners and in televisions. I don't know if they are true or not, I just want to feel that way. With someone. And if this other paths allow me, I could take that as an option. But in this way I am heading to destruction and I can't afford that anymore. So I am trying my best to be in the right path but I do hope if I go to heaven and all, I want to go that path for atleast once.